Skip to Main Content

Laypeople learn keys to civil conversations

Posted: June 6 2023 at 11:37 PM
Author: Victoria Rebeck and Debbie Rogers


That our society has become polarized on many issues—to the point of rage, in some cases—is obvious to anyone who reads the news or follows social media. Is civil conversation on disputed subjects possible?

The co-lay leaders of the Northern Illinois Conference think so. During lay session on June 6, they led to participants to discover how to have Christlike conversations with people they disagree with.

20230606laysession

Introducing the principles of Christlike conversations, Mark Manzi, one of the conference lay leaders, told those present that “it’s impossible to love Christ and hate others.” The painful conflict in the church has also challenged church members’ abilities to remain respectful when discussing controversial topics.

“Any response to another person needs to start with humility,” Mark said. “This was key for Jesus.

“Our job is to seek to understand. To understand, we must listen.

“We need to get better at listening,” Mark added. “We need to focus and not be distracted. We need to think, ‘Maybe I really can learn from this person.’”

He offered these practices for better listening:

· Repeat and summarize what your conversation partner said.

· Use minimal encourages, like “Oh?” “I understand.” “Then?” “And?”

· Ask questions to draw out the other person.

· Acknowledge the person’s feelings and background.

· Use “I” messages. Express and take responsibility for your own views and feelings.

· Don’t use the word “why”; it can be inflammatory.

· Don’t give advice that wasn’t asked for.

Mark said that most importantly, we need to practice these principles.

Participants divided into small groups and reflected on what they learned. They were encouraged to share what they learned with the Board of Laity, to help them with the planning in the coming year.

News & Announcements

Abindingtruth Poster Cmyk

'A Binding Truth' Screenings

Collective Action to Build Community, a partnership of NIC with other organizations, has planned free screenings of the film "A Binding Truth," Sept. 10-16. It follows the intertwined stories of tw…

Pn Lanark Mission Trip

Summer mission trips: Serving near and far

This summer, churches across Northern Illinois lived out their faith through mission trips near and far—serving neighbors in local communities, repairing homes in Appalachia, and supp…

Bible Hope Flower Image

2026 Will Be a Year of Hope

Bishop Schwerin looks ahead to 2026 by turning to scripture; specifically, Psalm 130:5: “I wait for the Lord; my soul waits, and in his word, I hope.” He ponders, What kind of spiritual focus is nee…

Scales Mound Vbs Boys

VBS Adventures Inspire Faith and Community

This summer, churches across the conference brought vacation Bible school to life, each one putting its own unique spin on the beloved tradition. From creative scheduling and special…

Print